What If I'm Not Looking Forward to Retirement?

Episode 2 Transcripts You're listening to the Retirement Life Podcast, a place where we help you cast a vision for your retirement and take the next steps to live it. I'm Tony Hall here with my co-host Rc Arseneau. And each episode, we'll bring you real stories, honest conversations, and practical ideas to help you build a retirement that's meaningful and life-giving. Let's jump in. Welcome to the Retirement Life Podcast, a place to imagine the life you've dreamed of and take the next steps to live it. I'm Tony Hall and together with my co-host RC, we're here to talk honestly, hopefully, and sometimes humorously about what retirement really looks like. RC, today we're tackling a big question. Why do people feel so differently about retirement? Some people are counting the days. Uh some people are dreading uh retirement. Uh some are still unsure what it means for them. And so what are your thoughts as as we're just stepping into this about these feelings around retirement? Yeah, I I think it's a it's a amazing question and we did a a put a post out a few weeks ago and I remember thinking when the post came out I was like you know I didn't seem like anything special and the response was unbelievable like everybody in their brother has an idea about how they feel about this question and so um yeah I mean when you're first thinking about retirement people think about it in so many different ways And that's I think what's made clear. I mean, some people just know that it's a date they're looking forward to and that some people are trying to get away from something. Some people do have a vision for what they're running to. Um, you know, other people were forced into it. There's just so many dynamics that go on that that are really wrapped up into this question. For me, I can say when I think of retirement, I am not thinking of stopping doing what I'm doing. I love what I do. Uh, and I love um even how this experience of doing the retirement life together with everybody. Like this is kind of a kind of a an extension and and a and part of this transformation and this um moving into the next phase kind of thing. So for me, this is more about h what am I looking forward to and how does that impact my relationships and and what I do and and my time and all of that. It's just a transition for me, not really a time frame. That's good. Yeah, that's good. So many people talk about uh retirement like uh it's a dream um beforehand, early on, like this is a dream. This is I'm going to have freedom. I'm going to have rest. I'm going to travel non-stop. You're walking the beaches. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe in the midst of it some are even just talking about in the just I want an escape. I want an escape from the grind. I want an escape from from this particular job or whatever it is. But I wonder how many people actually have a plan for that dream. Yeah. Yeah. That's key, you know, and and what I've learned is that really from doing from working with people as a planner that people really do spend more time planning for a vacation than they do this major transition in life. And it's true. And and the planning matters. And and as an example, like if you think of retirement like a vacation, people will learn that you and I, we love Disney. Love Disney. Our whole our families love Disney as should everyone else. Yeah. Right. But if you talk to people about Disney, about taking a vacation to Disney, you will typically find two groups of people. You are going to find people that went to Disney and think it's the worst place on the planet. And then you're going to find those of us that think it is the happiest place on earth. And what's the difference? Because we could show up at Disney World during the same dates around the same people, even with the same amount of money and one family can walk away thinking that was a horrible experience and the other thinks it was magical. And the truth is is it's all about planning. It's about spending a little time knowing the rules of the game and being intentional about how do you plan for that? And so when it comes to Disney, planning matters. You need to you you need to to know when you can plan certain rides, when you take, you know, your food breaks, how you spend your money on food. And if you don't do that, you'll spend more money. You'll spend most of your time standing in line not doing fun things. and you'll be frustrated and tired and so will all of your kids. Yeah. But with a little planning, it truly is magical. And when it comes to retirement and this transition into the second phase of of life, it's similar. There really does need to be some planning involved because without it, you're just like you're you're like a ship with no rudder. You're just floating. Just whatever life hits you with, that's what you have to deal with. It's just not as much fun. Yeah. That's great. Such a great example. And I'm I'm holding my tongue not to interject all the Disney stuff. So I'm I'm doing my best here. But but one of the reasons we're doing this podcast is to help people think beyond just money and also beyond just the fantasy of of the dreams or or whatever because there there's emotional and identity shifts that that often catch people off guard as they approach and step into um retirement. For sure. RC, we've heard a wide range of responses. You mentioned the the social media post. Yeah. Um and so let's I want to talk about some of those responses throughout this episode. Um here's a few that that we got from the retirement countdown post. Okay. Uh one person just responded, "Nope, I'm 72 and still working. I love it." Uh another another comment, "I created a life I never want to retire from." And then um one that I think was um we heard from several different people in in in different ways, but um who can afford to retire? Yeah. So RC, what stands out to you in those comments? Yeah. Again, those comments, there's such a wide variety of those and and I think what stands out to me about those comments is some some of this is mindset. some of some of what we are are dealing with when we go through this transition is what our mindset is and ho how are we setting our expectations up and how are we uh having a positive mindset as we go through this and so um yeah obviously some of these some of these folks nope I'm 72 and still working love it well that's someone who understands what it is they want out of life and they they're happy realizing they they're already doing that they're living the dream of retirement even working. Yeah. Why would you retire from the thing you love doing? Absolutely. Right. But people do it every day. Yeah. And then they regret it. Right. So that's that's something I created a life that I never want to retire from. That's a mic drop. Like Yeah. That's what we all want to do. Right. Right. And so um and who can re who can afford to retire? That is something that we hear a lot of in different ways and and and that makes me that does make me think you know we do want to be sensitive and graceful towards there are some situations in retirement that are difficult right you know and whether it's um health related or money related we understand that th there are difficulties that need to be navigated so we don't want to be insensitive to that when we're having these conversations um but but in any situation there is kind of a a a next best step that we can probably take, you know, what is something that we can just level up just one more notch on or, you know, and so that's what we want to unpack a little bit and that's what sticks out to me in those comments. Yeah. Yeah. And just as you're saying, I think for our listeners, um we have these short little podcasts that we're going to be doing every two weeks and and just like you said, there are complexities around retirement. there are people who are coming into it from completely different backgrounds with completely different baggage or completely different expectations. And so we do want you as you're listening or or maybe you're watching the podcast regularly to know that in this limited time that we have each of these podcast sessions um we do want to get to all of these things and we are here for you. like we we do understand that there's a breadth of things that that need to be talked about and so we are with you. We're for you. We don't want you to feel like well that's not me. Um send in questions or comments or things like that so that we can help um navigate those things as best as possible. But often there's a there's a shift in identity when we leave a career. Um kind of going to this next step here. Um and and really not everyone is ready for that. I mean the the the the person who um commented they're 72 and still working. I love it. Um I I would say that okay they probably fall under this category. They're not they're not ready for it yet. Uh even if retirement is financially possible, it doesn't mean it feels easy or is something that that someone is sure that they can do or want to do. Um, I've known people who retired and then found themselves overwhelmed uh by the empty calendar or um by unanticipated costs of retirement or living retired life. And so they went back to work uh whether it was part-time or or full-time not because they failed but because they needed purpose, they needed structure. They they they felt in a lack of security and in the the the post 40hour a week life. There's also a big difference between not being able to retire and not wanting to retire. And then there's some stories that are just really hard. And and so here's a few of the comments that we've seen and and maybe we can um talk about this for a bit, but here's some of the comments. I'll never be able to retire. I'm too poor now and can't make it. Another one said, retired and counting down the days till death. Um, I mean that is heart-wrenching. I know both of us uh Dena also as as we we talked about these comments, some of them are heartbreaking. Yeah. Um, and at the same time we say that understanding these are real people with real feelings. These this is real. Yeah. And and so um if that's how you feel, we just want to say you're not alone. You are not sitting at your laptop or on your phone looking at that post as the only person who feels that way. You are a part of a very large community walking the same path and and having the same needs and and and concerns. And so as heartbreaking and and as that is, um if that's how you feel, know that we're here for you and and you're not alone. But RC, how would you respond to someone who sees retirement um more as a punishment than a reward? Yeah, that's an interesting way to to frame that. Um I think for all of us as we're considering retirement, regardless of what our reality is, um but especially if you find things to be difficult, that's that's kind of that's that's a red flag that something is off, right? And and sometimes you feel that way because you feel like life is happening to you and you can't do anything about it. And with self-t talk, self-t talk can can get negative and spiral pretty quickly to where it feels like there no there there aren't other options, there's no help on the way, you know, what have you. And this is why um this is why in our course we actually talk about four key cornerstones for us to to find stability with, right? And sometimes it takes this framework to help us navigate those those thoughts. And and the cornerstones are while they're simple, um it it really can be life-changing to to really lean on them. and and they're they're the cornerstones of support. Who are the people in your life that are walking alongside you, whether they're friends or professional support or or what have you. Um, you know, there's structure. How how are you organizing your habits, your days, your environment to set you up for the best success you can have, right? How's your self-t talk? And how are you doing with self-care? Are you really taking the time to take care of things that really matter? And though these are all things that we're going to touch on as we talk about all these other topics, but it's so important just to have a framework to process some of these feelings because it can be overwhelming. But again, together it's I think community doing it together is the first step. Yeah. and and the selft talk thing you mentioning that again I mentioned in the the first episode just my story about the fears and anxiety around um getting older and and what's next and all of that and selft talk is such a vital vital thing it can it can reward us and and help us in so many ways or it can it can really break us and absolutely and and and cause us to spiral and so absolutely you know wherever you're at in the the broad spectrum of people approaching retirement, you may be in this this um category of of these kind of heartbreaking responses. um the way we look at our circumstances and in particular our life like we are alive which is such a blessing and and so even beginning at at the base level of we're alive and and there are so many good things that we can consider in the midst of that. Um, but there's the reality of also as we step into retirement, there are aspects of grief and aspects of regret or unexpected loss that show up in that season of retirement. Um, and so where do you think hope fits into these stories, whether it's these comments that we got or or just the the realities of loss and and grief and and regret? Yeah. Well, well, I I hope that even even this podcast is a voice of hope for some of the listeners because I I would say if you're going through something difficult, there is hope to be found. And um it may take a little bit of looking on our parts to find where to pull that from, but it it can be there for you. And um and and also if you're not experiencing that or even if you are to be cognizant that you you may be the hope for someone else. So you know if if you're going through something and it feels difficult well your neighbor probably is too. I mean we we know that from being friends, right? And so um so it's not just about where do I find hope but where can I provide hope? Who can I do that? And I know for me personally, um, sometimes the answer to my despair is pouring into someone else. Absolutely. And we're all going through aging together. There's no way to stop it. Right. Right. It's happening. Yep. And so, um, how can we do it together? And I I think just loving on each other. Well, as simple as that sounds, you know, it turns into a lot of complex things that we have to talk about and unpack, but at the end of the day, it's loving each other. Well, yeah. Yeah. And and what you said, like we do want this podcast to be an aspect of hope for any of you out there listening or your friends or or whoever, but also like you're saying, there are people around you. It may take some work, effort, but find the people that bring hope into your life. Yeah. Find the people that speak truth and hope into the situations that you're walking through. And man, I so appreciate you saying, be that for the people around you. Yeah. Be the person who who for those around you, those you come in contact with, be the person who is hope. Yeah. Be the person who who you know gives to others what you desire to be given to you. You know the golden rule do to others what you would have them do to you. Be that person and and and and seek to walk through life that way. I can't think of a better way to walk into and through retirement than having that mindset of just doing to others what you want them to do to you and being hope. Yeah. Well, we also hear from people who genuinely love their work um and want to keep going. Uh here here's one of the comments. I'm 72, still working. I love it. It keeps me young going on 38 years and I love my co-workers. That's beautiful. It is. It's an amazing story. It's not everyone's story. Um but it reminds us retirement doesn't have to mean leaving work. And I think this is so important. Um, it can be redefining what work looks like. Yeah. And and so what are your thoughts as it relates to just having that mindset of um maybe I'm not ready to step out of a working life. Um but I'm not I'm not able to stay in this career or I'm I'm ready to step out of this career. What What are your thoughts? Yeah, I mean that you know that can be tricky for a lot of people. you know, there are sometimes you like your career, but you do actually need to move on for one reason or another. Uh but um but that doesn't mean that you don't still have something to contribute. And that's really, you know, that the that transition what it's going to create uh a change in your identity. It's going to create changes in relationships. And those are things that if you don't intentionally address those, they're they're going to shock you. It's going to be a little it's going to be a downer. You're going to lose relationships, not know how to replace them. You're going to lose what you were good at and felt good about and not know what you do now and who you are now. So, it does take a little bit of connecting with people, ask asking some of your support people like, you know, what when do you think of me? What do you think uh you know I'm good at? What are the things that I'm good at? And but just being aware what what is it that you liked about what you did so much? and then pinpointing those and going how can I carry this into this new phase if I loved managing people what are are there things other things I can manage you know just finding things like that and because there are ways you can carry those into whether it's a new career you start your own little side hustle thing whether it's through charitable work there's so many different ways to do that but yeah identify what you love about where you are today and how can we carry that into this transition so So good. Well, no matter how you feel about retirement, whether you're nervous, you're excited, you're unsure, the truth is everyone starts somewhere. Uh we see that through the the responses that we got. And at the retirement life, we're not here to give you a a onesizefits all answer. Uh we're here to walk with you, to offer encouragement, uh fresh perspectives, maybe a few helpful questions along the way to get you thinking and processing. But whether you're still figuring things out or you're already living your new rhythm, just remember your story still matters. Your purpose still matters. And this next chapter can be full of meaning in ways you might not expect. So, thanks so much for spending time with us. This has been fun, RC. I really appreciate it. Uh whether you're staring down retirement with a bit of fear or running toward it with arms wide open, just know you're not alone. We believe retirement isn't the end of something. It's the beginning of something meaningful. Uh we would love to walk this road with you and so come find us uh on Facebook at the retirement life. That's where we share encouragements, ideas, uh connect with others and navigate uh the journey with them. But until next time, uh keep imagining the life that you've dreamed of and take one small step toward it this week. Yep. Thanks so much. This podcast is intended for general information, educational or entertainment purposes, and is not intended to provide financial, legal, medical, health, or lifestyle advice. Individuals should seek their own advice from a qualified professional. It is not an endorsement of any particular product, service, or organization. The opinions and views expressed in this podcast are those of the participants and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the retirement life. The Retirement Life and Arseneau Financial are separate entities. This podcast is not to be considered a solicitation for investment or financial planning services through Arseneau Financial LLC.