What Do I Do With My Time Now?

Episode 3 transcripts You're listening to the Retirement Life Podcast, a place where we help you cast a vision for your retirement and take the next steps to live it. I'm Tony Hall here with my co-host Rc Arseneau. And each episode, we'll bring you real stories, honest conversations, and practical ideas to help you build a retirement that's meaningful and life-giving. Let's jump in. Well, welcome to the Retirement Life podcast. The space to imagine the life you've dreamed of and take the next steps to live it. Uh last time RC we talked about how differently people feel about retirement. Some are counting down the days. Uh others are dreading what's next. This week we're digging into what uh one of the most common questions we hear from people once they've made the leap. And that's this. What do I do with my time now? Yeah. Uh we've heard from a lot of people who were excited to retire. Um but once it happened they felt disconnected or disoriented by all the time that they suddenly had. So they gone from this 40hour a week system and now they are 40 hours wide open that they didn't have before. Um one of one of the uh people wrote in I was so excited to retire but then I had no idea what to do with myself. The days just started blending together. Yeah. So why do you think time something that all of us say we want more of? Yeah. Why do you think that that can become such a challenge in retirement? Yeah. I I think most of us just overestimate our ability to do something with a with unlimited time. I think we we think that the goal was just to have all the time on our hands to do with whatever we wanted to do. But uh the reality is like you said when we when we're coming from the organized life of having the routines of needing to get up and get ready for work and then you go to work and that eats up a ton of time. Absolutely. And you have routines even throughout that part of your day. When do you take your lunch? You're connecting with people. Then you get back home and you've got your unwinding routine and then your bedtime routine and all of that. And I don't I think that we underestimate how retiring from all of that just just takes a wrecking ball to the entire system because you don't need to do any of it. Yeah. So now you don't even need to start your day the way you used to because what am I going to go do, right? you know, so as long as you have your coffee done by noon, you know, then then eat eat something when you're hungry, you know, like it just turns into this, which for a lot of people it's great for like a couple of weeks, right? It's like vacation, you know, and and sometimes I think people retire and they just needed to take a vacation, you know, because you get you have that vacation time and then it starts to just kind of become Groundhog Day. And then you wake up, you start waking up and realizing you don't know what you're going to do today. Y and that can be depressing. Mhm. You know, especially if you find yourself retiring. You're one of the first people in your friend group have retired. Now you're retired, but none of your friends are. And but your friends really were the people you worked with. And so now you you can't connect with them. You can't go out with your friends that are outside of work. And so it just and you didn't see it coming because you thought the goal was having all this time on your hands. And so I think this is one of those areas that people don't plan well for because you don't know you even need to, right? You just think you'll be fine, you know, with all that time on our hands. Yeah. Yeah. I think all of us for all of our lives, I mean, once we're into adulthood, we say, "If I just had the time to, if I had more time, I would." Yeah. But I don't think most people realize how jarring Yeah. 40 hours a week now freed up really is. And and I think I mean you're hitting it exactly like you have this schedule and then once that schedule is taken away it it is very disorienting. It's very and and and so you know how many of us, you know, maybe look forward to Saturday to be able to sleep in a bit or whatever. Well, now every day is Saturday. Yeah. Exactly. And you're like, well, how long am I sleeping in and what am I going to do? Yeah. I think that's right. Yeah. The loss of schedule, the loss of identity, the loss of a daily structure can feel like a shock and we thought it was going to be this celebration. And and maybe for a lot of people it's more of a shock even even for people who wanted to get to that place. Okay. So, so let's talk about what actually helps people thrive. Not just coast into and through retirement, but like what's going to help them thrive in retirement. Because studies show that that most people most often people are surprised by the amount of time that they have in retirement, even though they wanted that time. And even though they may have had all of these things that they said and dreamed that they were going to do with that time, unfortunately most people end up spending that time in front of a television. Yeah. And and I think for you and and me and Dina, we all like that is one of the things we want to help people understand and and fight against before they even get to retirement to have a plan to when they get there know what they're going to do, be prepared for what they're going to do so that the the retirement years aren't sitting in front of a TV. Right. Right. Yeah. And and one of the ways that I have this discussion with clients is that um you know there are there are financial assets and then there are non-financial assets or currencies. And one of those non-financial currencies is time. And the the problem with that currency is that it's going to get spent whether you're intentional about it or not. And so one of the transitions I think for a lot of people that really crush it in retirement is that when they when they do get to this point where they've got all of this extra time, they don't have a mindset that they're just looking to fill the time or just pass the time. They really do view it like a limited asset that they don't know how much of it they still have left and they treat it like it's gold. Wow. Yeah. And so, you know, the time really only has value, it has the value of what you exchange it for, just like a currency. And so you have the choice of of exchanging that for sitting in front of the television or making a connection with friends, family, right? Um you know, engaging in life, right? It's a it's an intentional decision to use that time currency in exchange for something. So, um, so I I think that's the mind when I look at some of the people that that I've had the honor of knowing and working with, the ones that I look up to the most, they are masters at exchanging their their time for something that they think is valuable and they're intentional about it. They create schedules to make sure it happens. You know, they create environments in their home to make sure they're doing things, their workouts or whatever. you know, they're really intentional with it. And so that's one difference that I've that I see with people that are really crushing it with their time. That's so good. And and even as you're talking about time as currency, uh I legitim I just want to sit back and like go like keep talking because there's so much value in that. Um and and the necessity of creating a rhythm in my life as I step into retirement knowing I mean we're both parents. You're grandparents now. Um we know like you know we blinked. Yeah. And our kids were grown. Yeah. And we don't know how that happens. Yeah. It just it is fleeting. And so if we don't if we're not purposeful, we don't have a plan and and and really a a schedule planned rhythm as we step into retirement, we're going to be we're going to wonder what happened, right? What happened in those years? What happened with all of the plans that I thought I had? All the dreams that I thought I had, what happened with all of that? Yeah. Yeah. Um, and so yeah, I think exactly what you're saying, having a schedule, having a rhythm. Um, and that doesn't need to be rigid, like you're saying, like, yeah, I I love the example of I can get up and I can watch TV or I can get up and I can go to a friend's house or a neighbor's house or something productive where I'm with people. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, maybe maybe it's as simple as you know that your routine is that when you get up, you've got a neighbor that you take a one walk around the block with together, whatever. You're getting community, you're getting some exercise. It could be something as simple as that. But I think it's just important just to be reminded and remember that that generally when it comes to time, if we if we do nothing, that's not neutral. We will we will tend towards wasting it. Mhm. We we don't have a tendency to use our time well on accident. Yeah. We really do need to have some intention with it and and we just need to create some space then to really process what matters most and how do we integrate those things in. Yeah. Yeah. I think things like, you know, volunteering, maybe mentoring people, and and we talked about previously, you know, maybe just getting a part-time job or something that gets you in a a routine, but but trying things you didn't have time for before. I know you and I have talked, we're both musicians, you know, as I look forward to retirement, one of the things that I want to do is is is buy a Doroughbro. Yeah. And learn to play the Dorbro. Like, it's something I've dreamed of since I was young. and and just haven't felt like I had the time to do it. And and so having a plan of like, okay, life is completely different. Time is freed up. I'm going to pick something that maybe I want to do, haven't had time to do, and just tackle that one thing. Yeah. It doesn't have to be rigid, but something that I'm planning to incorporate in my life. Yeah. Something that we're going to talk about a lot more in the future. Um, but man, finding community, making sure that a part of the plan of what I'm going to do with my time involves people. Um, having people, if you already have it, taking advantage of it, embracing that. If you if you don't have a community that you you you're engaged with, being purposeful to find people who are walking similar paths as you are is is is so important. Yeah, absolutely. At some point the question shifts from um what do I do with my time to something a little deeper of what do I do that actually matters? And I think that's an important question in the midst of uh retirement. Uh we had some some comments. I'm not sure I have a purpose anymore, but I hope maybe I can just inspire people by how I live. Yeah. What are your thoughts on that? Yeah. I mean, um Yeah. I mean, what a what an a great thought. And I think a lot of people feel that way because if we're coming out of a phase of life that we did find our identity in that was our that we found some purpose in and which by the way may not be a a career. It may have been raising children. It may have been maybe you're coming out of a phase of caring for a parent or there's lots of these transitions that happen where you were pouring yourself so fully into it um that when it's complete you're not sure who you are anymore and uh and I I know that a lot of people struggle also with just wondering what do other people think of them now you know like maybe maybe they had a career that was really a high-profile career and and they were known to be the person, right? And then they retire. Well, you're not the person anymore. So, like, how do people see you? Yeah. Now, right? So, you've got this this identity crisis for some people. And um I I love this this person's response. Um it's just such an honest way to even put this. I'm not even sure I have a purpose anymore, that person said. Mhm. Um but then follows it right up with a purpose statement. Right. Ironically, you know, I just hope that I can inspire people by how I live. I would say to that person, you have you have a purpose. You have a purpose. You're you're you're fleshing it out. And that's part of that is part of the whole process is is maybe you don't know what that looks like, but the fact that you're even wrestling through it, that's part of the process. And it's okay to not be at the end of that process yet. Our stories are always continuing. Absolutely. On. We're always in the middle of our story. And so give yourself some grace if you feel like you haven't found that yet. Um but absolutely uh this idea of purpose. We all have a purpose. Yeah. Absolutely. And and I think even with this person's comment, there's going to be for everyone as we step into some level of discovery, discovering who I am now and what's my identity now and and what am I going to do and and so the beauty of this is even though it seems like it's coming from a position of I don't see it yet. Yeah. having that any purpose statement but but having this particular one of I just want to encourage people or inspire people by how I live. It's beautiful and and hopefully whoever that person is is is hopefully hearing that right now and and taking even more steps. Yeah. Um but what we've seen and and what we're learning is that purpose in retirement isn't about doing more. It's about doing meaningful things often on a for some people by necessity a smaller or a more personal scale. And so, you know, purpose might look different now than it did in in your career. Uh it might not come with a title like you said. It might not come with a paycheck. Um it might not come with with an audience. Um but that doesn't mean it's any less real and it certainly doesn't mean it's any less valuable. Right. Yeah. Yeah. I'll give an example. Uh and Dean, I hope you don't mind that I'm that I share this example, but of something that I think is so meaningful, so purposeful, but that may not look like it's grandeur. And and that is we just got back from a trip spending with our grandkids. Dena often goes up and spends times with the grandkids just to help uh you know, our daughter and son-in-law with them. And um when I go up it's it's the it's oftentimes the same day every day we wake up in the morning to the cries of me me right goes down make some breakfast read some books. I'm not making this up. This is probably this will be the next day also. And then immediately at 8 8:00 in the morning, Taylor will say, "Um, can we pack lunches to go to go to the library for our picnic?" I mean, a picnic at the library. Yeah. It's going to be turkey sandwiches. It's It's the same. Yeah. Every single day. Um, which some people might find boring, meaningless, whatever. But I can tell you to Taylor, it's the most important thing that's gonna happen that day. And Mimi is there for it. She's every day making the making the turkey sandwich, going to the library, doing the picnic. And that matters. And um the the ripple effect of that is is way beyond a a picnic at the library, right? That's purpose. Y that's purpose. And for right now, for today, that's some of our purpose. It's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, for the listeners, daydream, you know, imagine what you can do that's meaningful because encouraging a neighbor, showing up for your grandkids, volunteering in your community, helping more in in whatever your environments are. Those aren't just side notes. They're not just meaningless things. These all things what you just shared, those are things that create a legacy. Those are things that Taylor's never going to forget. Yeah. Going to remember forever. And so doing those little things is not is not just filling time. It's it's really leaving a legacy. Retirement can actually give you the freedom to be present in ways you couldn't before, but it it's often it takes time and some intentional planning. Yeah. So when you think about how people find that sense of meaning in this season, what st what stands out to you? Yeah. Well, that's a that's a great question. That's a deep one. Okay. Uh I think what I what I would consider is, you know, when people like do do kind of a self-inventory when people think of you, what are what are some of the first things that they're going to think of? you know, like, oh, when I think of, you know, when I when I think of Tony, I think connector, I think community, I think loving others. Well, I think loving your boys, family, you know, like there's something about you that people definitely think makes you up. That's you, right? What are the best parts of you? Be honest with yourself. Maybe some of your friends will tell you. um they might be even better to to bounce that off of because we can be critical of ourselves. But yeah, what is it that really makes you what do you love doing? When do you feel your best self? And then where where are ways that you can connect that today? Who are people you can do that with? Even on simple, easy, next step levels. It doesn't have to be grand. Yep. Just do it. Y something simple. That's exactly it. Just take something simple. even like take a friend out to lunch and talk about it. Go out with someone and talk about it and have a conversation. I love it, RC. It's a great great answer. Uh if you found yourself asking, "What do I do with all of this time?" Just know you're not alone. That's why we're talking about this today. It's why we'll probably talk about it in in episodes um ahead. This is one of the biggest transitions that people make in retirement. But you don't have to figure it out all at once. Take a simple step. Start small. Try something new. Give yourself grace in the midst of it. Uh but thanks again for spending this time with us on the Retirement Life podcast. RC again. It's so much fun to do this with you. Uh we know that navigating this season can come with big questions about time, meaning what truly matters, but you don't have to figure it out all at once. So, um, here at the retirement life, we believe this season isn't just about what's behind you. It's about what's still ahead of you. There's so much hope and joy in that. If today's conversation helped you think in a new way, we'd love to hear from you. We'd love for you to follow, subscribe wherever you're listening, so don't miss so you don't miss a future episode. And if you're on Facebook, come find us at the retirement life. It's where we share encouragement, real stories, honest questions from people just like you, figuring it out one step at a time. And then also want to let you know that we uh we have a live in-person event coming up that we would love for you to know about. Sign up if you're able to to join us. We'd love to see you. We'd love to meet you. Uh but until next time, keep imagining the life you've dreamed of and take one small meaningful step toward it this week. Thanks so much. Yep. This podcast is intended for general information, educational or entertainment purposes, and is not intended to provide financial, legal, medical, health, or lifestyle advice. Individuals should seek their own advice from a qualified professional. It is not an endorsement of any particular product, service, or organization. The opinions and views expressed on this podcast are those of the participants and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of the retirement life. The retirement life and Arseneau Financial are separate entities. 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